Juli Slattery Q: I’m struggling with knowing if a guy is a “good guy” or not. My family says I’m too picky when it comes to dating. Can you tell me the qualities I should be looking for in a man?

Juli: There are two sides to this question. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and you should consider very carefully the man you want to share your life with. On the other hand, many young men and women never commit to marriage because they are looking for the perfect “soul mate.” If you believe you’ve found the perfect guy, look again, because he doesn’t exist.

The question you asked about what “qualities” to look for is right on. There are some qualities that are essential to building a strong marriage. Here’s my list:

A teachable spirit. You want to marry a man who is willing to grow. How does he respond to feedback? Is he defensive or does he want to learn? Is he honest about his struggles?

A shared faith. There are many things in marriage that can be solved by compromise. Faith is not one of them. Your faith and beliefs define how you view morality, children, forgiveness and the purpose of life.

Integrity. Marriage is built on trust. You only want to marry a man who is trustworthy and who understands the value of honesty and keeping his word.

Kindness. Marriage is the most vulnerable relationship in the world. In the crucible of sharing life together, you want a man who cares about protecting and guarding your feelings. As a young man, he may not always be perfectly sensitive, but does he display a kind heart to you and to others?

As you look for “husband material,” remember to also work toward becoming a potential wife. Cultivate your own teachable spirit, grow in your faith, and become a woman of integrity and kindness!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three. COPYRIGHT 2012 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, COLORADO SPRINGS, CO