The Scent of a Man
I didn’t quite know how to take that. On one hand, she thought I smelled good. However, she thought it was whatever I had for breakfast.
“I had a blueberry muffin,” I said.
I guess it’s not so bad to smell like blueberry muffins.
“No,” she said. “You smell like pork sausage.”
Pork sausage does smell good when you are going to eat it, but would you wear it? My daughter thought I smelled good.
Perhaps I should look to my laundry detergent for an explanation. No, the label said Lavender Mist… not pork sausage. In fact, Lavender Mist did not suggest any kind of foodstuffs.
If I went to the grocery store to get laundry detergent, would I buy one on which was a picture of a nutritious breakfast? Probably not. But what if my other choices were Skunkweed and Dairy Farm? Maybe.
My husband however, might believe that nothing smelled better than pork sausage and that is what he’d want his clothes to smell like. He’d be hungry all day long.
I think that someone must’ve asked a woman what aromas are pleasing in laundry detergents and other scented products; otherwise we might receive a Christmas gift of perfume called “Eau de Pork Sausage.”
There might be deodorant labeled “Fresh Bacon Breeze.” Nothing brings out the beast in men like bacon-scented deodorant.
If pig meat is truly what turns men on, why do women wear scents that smell like a field of wildflowers?
Honestly, to smell mouth-watering to our husbands, we should buy body lotion with a hint of hot ham and cheese.
Perhaps our feet wouldn’t smell so bad after a long day if we used foot powder that smelled like beef burritos. Actually, my feet sometimes do smell like beef burritos. It would be dangerous to allow my feet to be rubbed if they, in any way, reminded my husband of food.
I could get my husband to try almost any product if, somewhere on the label, it mentions hot wings.
“Honey, would you like a glass of wine?”
“You know I don’t like wine.”
“I know. But this wine is called Chateau de Hot Wings.”
“Really. Must be good.”
Okay, let’s be real. Even if men love the smell of food whenever possible, it doesn’t mean that women want to smell like jalapeno dip or chili fries, even to please our man.
However, there are products out there that are made just for men that still smell like a flowery arbor with a hint of gym locker. If a man’s favorite aromas come from food, why wouldn’t they offer a barbecuescented after shave?
How about an air freshener to hang on his rear view mirror which emits the pleasing scent of a bacon double cheeseburger?
To all of those smart people in the marketing department of Proctor and Gamble: I think you’re missing the boat.