2011-08-18 / General Stories

iPhone Antics

My technological whiz of a husband decided to get an iPhone 4 as soon as his contract came up for renewal a few months ago. I still have my Droid phone that was top- of- the- line when he forced it upon me last year. If he had one, then I had to have one. It was buy one, get one free. There was no sense in passing up the free one, even if I didn’t want it.

I am perfectly content with my Droid, now that I have learned how to use it. My husband, however, insisted that the Droid he owned had too many bugs and he simply couldn’t function with it.

Obviously, he functions at a much higher level than I do.

Two weeks after he bought his iPhone 4, he learned that the new and improved iPhone 5 would be released soon. He was shocked. I was not.

There has never been a year in the history of cell phones where a new model didn’t appear on the shelves immediately after you had bought the old one. He’s a grown man. He should know this.

In spite of these temporary frustrations, my husband is a techno-junkie. He needs - not wants - the most advanced gizmo out there.

Unfortunately, my cell phone contract is up for renewal soon. In his mind, there is no reason why I shouldn’t get the iPhone 5 and then hand it over to him in trade for his iPhone 4.

As cavalier as this sounds - and I am aware of how it sounds - I nonetheless understand his obsession. One does not live with someone for thirty years without understanding their foibles.

He is correct in thinking that I wouldn’t know the difference between the two because I never use any of the more advanced applications. He may not use them either, but at least he could if he wanted to.

Still, if I had less self-esteem, I would think that me and my cell phone contract were being used. As it is, I have decided, instead, to use the knowledge of what he wants from me - that I am under no obligation to give him - as currency. With this knowledge I can buy the restaurant of my choice at which to eat, the movie of my choice to watch, the channel I want to watch, the argument I want to win.

For the next few months, while he gamely but subtly tries to sell me on his iPhone 4, I will reap the benefits of an agreeable husband.

Last night, I even got to watch a movie on Lifetime at a time when my husband normally watches Deadliest Catch, or some other ghastly series where you must decipher the script from between the bleeps.

The trick is to act as if there might be the slightest possibility that I might trade in my Droid for an iPhone 5 and then trade phones with him. without actually saying it.

He actually has the more difficult job of trying to:

1.Convince me that the iPhone 5 is better than my Droid.

2. Then convince me that his iPhone 4 is way better than the iPhone 5... for me.

“I just figured out the map program on my Droid.” I told him. “It’s wonderful! It can even find restaurants in the area. Want to see?”

“My iPhone 4 can do it faster,” he says.

“Then the iPhone 5 must really kick butt.”

He looks away and blatantly lies, “I heard the iPhone 5 map application stinks. So, which restaurant do you want to go to?”

“I think Applebees,” I said.

“Applebees? Again?”

“ You got a problem with Applebees?”


Of course, after the terrible sacrifice of letting me have my way for months, if I don’t hand over the iPhone 5 after I have traded in my Droid, he may spontaneously combust. At the very least, he will never forgive me, at least until the iPhone 6 comes out. How long could that be?

Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist, author & speaker. You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more info.

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