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2010-10-07 digital edition

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2010-10-07 / General Stories

And It Was Good

I’ve often wondered what God was thinking when He made the human body. There are strokes of genius combined with what couldn’t be anything other than a practical joke.

We’ve long known that He has a healthy sense of humor. That is where all the irony in the world originates. Though, who’d have thought that He wouldn’t take making humans all that seriously? But it was the sixth day and He was under a deadline because He wanted to take the next day off.

We must’ve been on His To Do list right after the platypus. He was still wiping tears of laughter from His eyes when He started on our feet.

He swiped some celestial Play Doh from the heavens and fashioned a base. No, two bases.

“Oh, that platypus was hilarious! They’ll be talking about that one for eons! Hee-hee! Wait. These bases should have more pizzazz. I know! I’ll divide the front of each one into five sections; each one smaller than the next. should have thought of that with the platypus!”

Then He fashioned those five sections with joints so that they would bend. downward, uselessly. “Ha-ha! Figure that one out!”

The platypus had flat feet that flapped when it walked on land. That was a stroke of levity that God thought He could top. He thought it would be fun to have feet that had the middle missing underneath. He envisioned us walking along on feet that sounded like suction cups being released. He probably didn’t account for the fact that we would eventually invent shoes with builtin insteps.

“Aw, they have no sense of humor!”

.And then there were feet.

“No wait! I forgot to put hair on those joints so that women would have to constantly shave them. Ha! That will teach them humility. Nobody can shave those tiny little knuckles without being humbled by the experience.”

.And then there were.

“Wait, wait! Who’s the God here anyway? I will name the five divisions, uh, toes! Yeah, toes! It rhymes with nose, which I’ll put high on the body. That’ll be the part with which they will breathe. Yes! I’m a genius!”

.And then there were feet. and a nose. And they were good (or as close to good as a punch-drunk God could make them)

“I heard that, Mr. Narrator! How would you like to be an eunuch in your next life?”

Then He moved on to the digestive track which was a little more difficult. Like many mechanics, He had parts left over with which He didn’t know what to do: The appendix and the tonsils.

However, He was on a deadline, so He just left them there and gave the human the ability to do appendectomies and tonsillectomies.

He added mammary glands to the female. because it looked so good on the platypus.

“Watch it, wise guy!”

.Then He put them on the outside of their bodies to show them off.

The human project was so difficult, it took some of the joy off His platypus experience.

“This time,” He thought, “I will make a creature with feathers! Lots of them! Pink ones! And I’ll make hideously long, skinny legs that bend backward like those toes. Yes! And I’ll call this masterpiece. a flamer. Bingo!... No, no, not a flamer, a flam-ingo!”

. And, of course, it was good.

“You bet your sweet bupkis, it was good!”

Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist, author & speaker. You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more info.

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