The Power of Flowers
If my husband was to bring me chocolate, which he knows is an aphrodisiac for me, I'd eat it, of course (who wouldn't), and then all that remains is the guilt of adding to my rather largish behind and calculating how many sit-ups and squat-thrusts I'd have to do to get rid of all those calories. Not that I'd actually do the exercises. But I'd calculate them.
I've recently realized that there is something that would work just as well for my husband's purposes and have the added benefit of not causing a post-binge guilt trip for me.
That something is simple, easily accessible, relatively inexpensive, and needs no physical activity like sit-ups, squat thrusts or calculations.
Flowers. How many men, condemned to the doghouse for the foreseeable future have turned their sentence around with a trip to the florist? When you think nothing will change her mind, try a small bouquet of flowers. It might not actually change her mind - that's like moving the Rock of Gibraltar - but at least you'll be able to sleep in your own bed.
However, if you've insulted her mother, a larger bouquet may be in order. If you've inadvertently mentioned how hot some other woman is, you'd better go for a large bouquet of fragrant blooms. The closer your acquaintance with the woman, the larger and more fragrant those flowers need to be. And if you've done the unforgivable and blamed her bad mood on PMS, no matter how true it might be; only two dozen red roses will do. Remember, men, it's okay to think that, but definitely not okay to say it.
Yes. mistakes like that are costly, but isn't it nice to know that when you have had a periodic brain spasm, you can fix it with flowers? There is a certain amount of power in knowing that, isn't there?
Now, as a caveat, I will say here that flowers work for an occasional mouth malfunction, but for blatant deception, like not being where you said you'd be, well, all I can say, hon, is that no flower is going to fix that. In fact, if you brought her flowers, chances are, she'd most likely beat you over the head with them.
In fact, all the flowers, chocolate and jewelry in the world can't fix blatant deception. A Mercedes Benz might work for some women, but then you can be very sure she's not staying with you for your sexy smile and your cute butt. She's putting up with you so she can drive a Mercedes.
It's kind of like putting up with a dog with loose bowels because he fetches your slippers. Women are quite practical about some things.
So men, if you've said something unwise at any point in time, or are likely to in the future - and this pretty much covers all of you - go out and buy a bouquet for your sweetheart today. If money is a problem, then pull over to the side of the road on the way home and pick a bunch of daisies. Then take them home and watch the power of flowers in action.
Unlike chocolate, these flowers will be around for a week or more, silently singing your praises and sending a message of goodwill each time your lady sees them.
Of course, if your transgression was more than a mouth malfunction, you might as well sleep in the doghouse for a while. It'll be safer.
Laura Snyder is a syndicated columnist, author & speaker.